SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO SAY 'NO'

I’ve heard several people say “I don’t know how to say ‘no’ to people’s request (s)” or “I just find myself saying ‘yes’ all the time”. When I ask why, they tell me “I don’t want the person to feel bad or hurt” or “I don’t want to be seen as a bad person”.

Teenagers and youths basically fall into this category of people. The teenage and youthful stage of life is characterized with lots of decision making processes. The answers to several request or offers remain ‘yes’ or ‘no’, sometimes ‘wait/not now’. A teenager’s/youth’s inability to say ‘no’ reflects his/her poor refusal skills.

Refusal skill is a very important life skill that every individual must have. Lack of refusal skill would mean giving in to compromise of one’s standards at every time. It renders you without respect from others. People can easily take you for a ride, take you for granted or see you as a ‘walkover’. It affects your reputation, integrity and self-image.

You can’t keep on saying ‘yes’ all the time! Sometimes, your answer has to be ‘no’! Have and set your standards, know what’s right and stick to them! Let the wrong side receive a NO and the right, a YES. You just must learn to say NO. There are a thousand and one things awaiting your ‘NO’ response. Some of them include early sexual intercourse, drug abuse and addiction, negative peer influence among others on the negative side.

Sometimes, it could be certain requests from friends. Make sure your response is weighed on the ‘right and wrong weighing balance’.  Sometimes, you have to say no to someone to make him/her learn valuable lessons with the mind of making them grow up better and stronger. Helping them all the time makes them unable to learn how to deal with difficulties and challenging situations as they arise. You’ll simply be leaving them vulnerable and incapable of handling such situations whenever you’re absent by saying ‘yes’ and helping them all the time. Instead of taking forefront in helping them all the time, you simply show them how to solve similar challenges, leaving them to learn by themselves.

Saying ‘no’ also creates time for YOU! For your rest which is important for your health and wellbeing. When you keep on saying yes to every activity or event that comes your way, either good or bad, you’ll barely have time for yourself, family and friends.

Sometimes, you have to politely decline offers or duties, not because you are irresponsible or too busy but because you want others to also learn how to do the things you do. You want to give room for others to show what they can offer or bring to the table as well. This way, you just might be opening the floor for talent discovery.

As students, sometimes, we have to turn down some activities in order to meet academic demands especially when these activities are less beneficial or important at that point in time, for example, playing football.

OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW:

·  •       Thoughts of inferiority complex may want to set in to make you choose wrongly but remember, it’s not inferiority. It’s simply you being outstanding, unique and different! Today, they’ll call you names and mock you. Tomorrow, they’ll wish they could be like you.

• Make your standards and keep to them. It’ll earn you respect!



    

·         Sometimes, people interpret your refusal for rudeness, meanness, unkindness or lack of care and thus make you feel inhumane or make you have a sense of guilt but don’t let that distract you!

·         Your inability to say no to today’s ‘little’ issues even when they appear enticing to you will reflect tomorrow when you’re faced with a big issue(s). It means there is a starting point to saying no. Let that point be NOW! Now is the time to learn to say no. Saying YES all the time makes room for more ;yesses' and more NO’s to the things you don’t want to do.

·         In saying ‘no’, use the word effectively. Let your body movement or body language support your verbal NO message. The tone of your voice is important as well. As much as you try to be assertive and firm about it, don’t be aggressive.

In conclusion, refusal skill (your ability to say no) is no doubt capable of drastically helping one’s life. Set your standards, stick to what is right and stand for what is right even when it means saying NO!